A day in the life . . .

2012-02-03T12:59:00.000-08:00

Well exactly one month from the last post my man got down on one knee. He did and I said YES!!!

Scary and totally awesome at the same time. I have a feeling my response will bring me to many experiences that will make me feel that way.

My Mom keeps telling me about a book called The Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas. The by line reads, "What if God designed Marriage to make us HOLY more than to make us Happy?"

WHOA, that is heavy! I've already been experiencing some of the effects of this concept as Scott and I have been moving toward our sacred union. Crazy how God works, that was the only thing I could think of the whole day leading up to the question. I didn't even know it was coming but somehow I kept thinking, "you realize you are voluntarily walking into the hardest challenges you will ever face, Right? You know that you are voluntarily killing your former self. You are giving up all the freedom and alone time you had. You are giving up independent living! For goodness sake!"

Yes I do realize it and it scares the crap out of me but then I look around at all the great people around me and on the radio all I can think of is: this is God's plan. He doesn't want selfish little kids around.

There is a quote and I don't know by who but it really resonates with me, "nothing worth doing is easy." Tough stuff and I'm taking the challenge.

With God's grace, that is the only way any of us make it through life anyway right. This way I will just need to depend a bit more, lean a bit more, trust a bit more, let go a bit more, and I will need more of God's grace. Not such a bad thing after all.

Pray for us as we embark of the rest of our lives together. With me in the equation, we're gonna need it.

All glory to God!

Kari Reid

(soon to be Kari Doucette :)

reflections

2011-12-31T09:33:00.000-08:00

January 31st, 2011 represents a year to me that has been filled with both heart ache and triumph. Admittedly the heart ache was self inflicted, which is one reason it is so hard to understand, but the triumph was such an act of God's grace that I feel like I have increased revelation in a few different areas of life.

One area is the fact that God promises to be our refuge and strength. He is our fortress in times of trouble and he is our counselor. As I think of these things in light of this last year it is clear to me that in the moment of our heart ache or bad decisions or when it feels like our world is crashing down around us at no fault of our own God will be our strength. Our adviser, counselor, strength for the fight. But if we are so tired from life, worn out by the fight we insist on fighting in our own strength he does promise to be our fortress and refuge.

Read Psalm 31:

¹ In you, LORD, I have taken refuge;
let me never be put to shame;
deliver me in your righteousness.
² Turn your ear to me,
come quickly to my rescue;
be my rock of refuge,
a strong fortress to save me.
³ Since you are my rock and my fortress,
for the sake of your name lead and guide me.
⁴ Keep me free from the trap that is set for me,
for you are my refuge.
⁵ Into your hands I commit my spirit;
deliver me, LORD, my faithful God.

⁶ I hate those who cling to worthless idols;
as for me, I trust in the LORD.
⁷ I will be glad and rejoice in your love,
for you saw my affliction
and knew the anguish of my soul.
⁸ You have not given me into the hands of the enemy
but have set my feet in a spacious place.

¹⁴ But I trust in you, LORD;
I say, “You are my God.”

¹⁵ My times are in your hands;
deliver me from the hands of my enemies,
from those who pursue me.
¹⁶ Let your face shine on your servant;
save me in your unfailing love.
¹⁷ Let me not be put to shame, LORD,
for I have cried out to you;
but let the wicked be put to shame
and be silent in the realm of the dead.
¹⁸ Let their lying lips be silenced,
for with pride and contempt
they speak arrogantly against the righteous.

¹⁹ How abundant are the good things
that you have stored up for those who fear you,
that you bestow in the sight of all,
on those who take refuge in you.
²⁰ In the shelter of your presence you hide them
from all human intrigues;
you keep them safe in your dwelling
from accusing tongues.

²¹ Praise be to the LORD,
for he showed me the wonders of his love
when I was in a city under siege.
²² In my alarm I said,
“I am cut off from your sight!”
Yet you heard my cry for mercy
when I called to you for help.

²³ Love the LORD, all his faithful people!
The LORD preserves those who are true to him,
but the proud he pays back in full.
²⁴ Be strong and take heart,
all you who hope in the LORD.

The way I look at it is, that if you want God to be your fortress you need to take the time and discipline to move into a place where you are able to take refuge in him.

Think of it like this: you are out on the field of war, like in the movie Braveheart, you are in the wide open and although you have your weapons, the sword of truth etc Eph 6, you have no covering. You cry out to God for help and he can and will provide strength and wisdom.
Even a help mate and encouragement etc but in order for him to be your refuge or provide a fortress you gotta get your butt over to the fort. Get on your horse and ride babe ride!! Don't hope that you sometime will wander through he doors of a huge fortress. NO you have to be intentional about getting your time and opening your Bible in order to take full advantage of what God offers in times of war, battle, a bit of a struggle, or even times of peace.

I have had some tough things happen this year. No one died but at work I have been challenged big time and even in relationships, that is the self inflicted heart ache I was talking about, at the beginning of the year. Wow, reading my diary was so depressing. Why God bestowed on me the gift of Scott I have no idea. God is SO good to me. I wish you could all meet him. He is pretty amazingly wonderful.

Even as we are starting some pre marriage work I just have to keep reminding myself that God is my source and there will be hard times, in addition to the challenges we have already encountered, that will prove to be only resolvable or solvable by the grace of God in a place of his peace and rest. I assume that if I can stay in that place the conflict won't feel quite so painful. I can only try.

I encourage you this year, and I will try to remember and practice my own advice, to remember to get into that fortress sooner than later when things come up. Don't try to battle alone. It may work but you will end up wounded and a perfect target for another attack from the enemy. God wants us to grow up through hard times but remember he only gives you what he knows you are strong enough to endure. AND he gives you all the tools you need, pick them up. AND he gives you a place to rest in the midst of it, get in there . . . and I think you will find that you are a different, better, person at this time next year. That is my hope anyway . . . each year a marked change into a closer reflection of God.

Pray that, right now, over your life and over the lives of the ones you love.

God hears you.

Now go live righteously!!

of Me.

2011-12-10T08:42:00.000-08:00

So I met this great guy this last summer and we are planning to get married by the end of next summer. I know it is a bit fast but even with the rough edges I am sure he is my number two. (Remember God is always your number one, right??) And with my jagged edges he says I am his.

This man, Scott, blesses my life in so many different ways. He is patient with me and for those of you that don't know me that well, I need all the patients I can get from someone. We have figured this out about our relationship; I have a short fuse and he is a bit sensitive. Wow, that is such an understatement about me. There are days that I am pretty sure it is illegal for me to get out of bed for all the people I will snap at. So here is an example of what happens in my head. Yesterday I left work early because I was not feeling well. I went home and tried to rest a midst the laundry and the Christmas crafts I wanted to get done. Anyway, Scott came around 4:30 because we, for date night, were meeting some friends of his in Egan, a good 40 min drive. As I am thinking about getting up out of my recliner where I was resting Scott came over and sat on the side of the chair half on me half on the chair. It was nice until he for some reason held up his hand and sticks the peace sign in my face. When I say in my face I mean like two inches, literally, from my nose. I have issues with things in my face, admittedly a bit extreme but still. So I ask him to stop. Then he fingers my pendant and lifts it up to look at it so again in my face. Irritated, I can't take it so I get up to get ready. We leave and he is driving. He drives really slow in my opinion, and he is a consistent talker so he doesn't pay super close attention. Me on the other hand, drive fast and like to get where I'm going. It is less about the drive than about the arrival for me is what I'm saying. Opposite for him or at least the drive is equally important. With my belly still churning, I sit in the passenger seat with an endless internal dialogue about if he would stop talking he would notice that he is driving really close to the line and the other cars and he is weaving and might miss the exit and we are going to be late and these people better be worth it and why am I here anyway and I just want to sleep etc. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME???

He has never had an accident. Me?? Yeah a few :) Tickets: my fair share.

Why can't I just settle down and let us enjoy a ride together? I guess it has something to do with my personality but also because I have not had to just keep my mouth shut that often. I have one friend that drives super slow but for the most part I drive when we are going somewhere. A funny side note: I took the Meyers Briggs personality test and under the description of me is that I expect that people understand what I am saying. When I give instruction or when I voice an opinion etc. people with my personality tend to think that people should understand and agree. Wow, could that be farther from the truth? Especially the way I was raised with all my very specific ideas and view points. So there are lots of situations where I am finding I am having this internal dialogue and I know that it is good for me even though it feels like I am fighting with myself each time. Maybe this is how holiness feels.

My dad reminded me again that marriage is about holiness not happiness. I have heard that before but for obvious reasons it is having more of an impact on me now that I am getting so much closer to the "holiness" factor. I am happy for it and look forward to spending my life with Scott but I know it will be hard. Not because he is not a man with high character, he is defiantly that but because I am so strong willed.

I think of the verse: Be transformed by the renewing of your mind . . .

Romans 12:2

Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - his good, pleasing and perfect will.

I have a feeling this is going to be a major part of the next chapter in my life. The transforming my mind part. I look forward to it with careful anticipation.

We are also doing a financial class by Dave Ramsey. It is tough but if we want to "change our family tree" we need to live now like no one else, not spending anything, so that later we can live like no one else with security and peace. It will all pay off in the long run but trying to pay for a wedding while trying to pay off school debt and a mortgage is not easy. And did I mention? I'm not getting any younger . . . :) Also, not having purchased a piece of clothing in like 4 months is not a problem for most people but for me it is not my MO. Usually right about now I am fitting in to the statistics that most "Christmas shopping" trips yield a little something for the purchaser as well as her family and friends. I not only have not gotten myself anything but I have been very good to use sales to get good deals. I suppose on some level it feels good but mostly I am fighting with self pity. I get sick of not having money for date night or having to rethink Redbox. Can you imagine??? Rethink Redbox, yes I just said that. We have used Dave Ramsey as a verb these days instead of a proper noun. We say, "we will need to Dave Ramsey that . . ." Theater tickets or whatever we need to save for. It has drawn us closer because we are using each other as a resource like we combine our laundry money or some food and I have needed help with all the numbers because it is a bit overwhelming for me but I think in general we are doing pretty good.

Anyway, my plan is to be a completely different person next year at this time. Hopefully a wife and hopefully at least half out of debt. It will be great! Oh and did I mention a ton holier . . . hopefully. If I get better and not bitter.

God you will have to help me with that.

of a thankful American.

2011-11-11T09:21:00.000-08:00

Today is Veterans day. 11-11-11 to be exact.

I have been thinking about how to honor the vets that I know and it is an almost impossible task to express how much we have to be thankful to them for.

I was thinking about who else would give their life for a person like me that they didn't even know. Well you might be headed down the same road I took to follow that thought. Yes, Jesus gave his life to GIVE us emotional, spiritual, personal freedom for eternity. He gave up heaven to live on earth to redeem every generation to come.

Similarly, the veterans give up life in America, for a time, to secure our safety. They offer their lives to ENSURE our national freedom. It just seems like there is so much more to it than that. They also are working to better the lives of people they have never met whether on the homeland or in other countries.

I for one have never heard a military person complain. I have heard about the difficult circumstances and the hardships of real life but not the complaining that we do at my work where in the summer we complain that it is too hot because there is no AC or in the winter we complain because the heater is broken, again. Yet we know we can go home to a nice warm cozy place and cuddle with people and dogs that we love. Hard to complain when you see the pictures of the cots they have had to sleep on or the places where they try to steel a few Zzzs in the middle of some sand field. Or even thinking back to previous war times when they had to hide for hours in the swamps of Viet Nam.

We have NO IDEA what they experienced and for that I am TOTALLY grateful.

I love to travel. I have been around the world a couple of times and every where I go people wish they were American or could live in America. Most people here in Minnesota want to say that foreigners hate America or think that we are obnoxious. They do think we are obnoxious but they still wish they could live here no matter who the president is.

It seems to me that the veterans did for us in the short term what only Jesus Christ can do for us in the long term, eternity. The sacrifice of their home, family, environment, comfort, and for some even their lives have allowed this nation to be one of the best most desirable nations on earth. In the same way everyone wants to go to heaven when they die.

Here is the deal. You know how we are so blessed because we were born here? LOTS of people are trying to get here and they have to work so hard to learn so much about our country that even the native people don't know. Well that is not how it works for heaven.

Yes, everyone wants to go but unlike the American government God does not make sure that you have worked your way down the check list of a VISA, a sponsor, paying all the bribes to get things done, the naturalization process, a green card etc.
God wants you to be a citizen of heaven NOW. That is why Jesus was willing to go to the cross to die for you. He wanted you to have eternal life - FREE.

What you have to do . . . ready for this . . . 1. believe in Jesus 2. Confess that you are a sinner 3. Ask God to take over your life. That's it! No joke.

So you could be an earthly citizen of the greatest nation on earth but you can also be a citizen of heaven. It is not birth related. There are no immigrants in heaven only adopted sons and daughters. However, it is your choice. Would you like to be free, for real????

ATTENTION MILITARY:

For each of you that have devoted any time to the safety of our nation whether only on American soil or not,

THANK YOU!!

of a child

2011-11-03T08:12:00.000-07:00

There are so many things that go through my brain but the latest thing that has been peculating around up there is the idea of how we see God.

I was in church a few weeks ago and was able to sit next to a friend of mine that has the most beautiful baby boy. He is around 5 maybe 6 months old now. He is starting to use his legs and really enjoys standing on your lap holding tightly to your fingers. He is so beautiful, did I mention that???

Anyway, I was holding him through the service and even though he was on my lap and there was lots to be distracted by he had his eyes set on his mother. I mean not just looking at her every now and then no they were GLUED to her face. I would tickle him and say his name. He would quickly glance at me and look back at mom.

It made me think of how we view God.

Do we keep our gaze on him and not just every now and then but GLUED knowing that He is our source for life, for sustenance, for purpose, for identity, for fulfillment, etc. Do we realize that if that relationship is not strong and in tact then all other relationships will feel straign too? Do we only glance at the things that are trying so hard to to take our attention away from Him?

I have met a man that will one day become my husband. We love to spend time together and time seems to fly by now that we are together. I mean literally I can wake up on Monday and by the time I am going to bed it is Saturday night, or so it seems. We talk all the time about how we need to make time for personal, not together, things even cleaning the house. Time for friends, family but more importantly God time. Why is it so hard?? I heard a radio program that was a man discribing the process he went through with his wife when she had cheated on him and he felt like it was his fault. Interestingly enough, though I did not hear the end, he said something like this, "I had put her in my god spot. I wanted to do more to make her happy, do less to make her upset, do more for her, make sure there was never anything negative in her life. One day I had to acknowlege that I thought I would shrivel up and die without her and I was holding on so tight that she had to get away. " His point was that he had to come to a place where whatever she decided was her responsibility before God and that he needed to get God back in the rightful place in his life. The pressure was just too great and with nothing to worry about in life she had just done whatever she wanted thinking he would make things right, always as he always had done.

This is interesting to me, we need to love people but we HAVE to make sure they do not take our god spot no matter how great they are or you think they are. AND they have to walk through the challenges of life in order to learn to lean more heavely on God. We only learn through pain. Not hideous bad pain always but even if something pinches a bit that is when we take a closer look and make changes to avoid that pain in the future.

I encourage you, let's be little Michael with our eyes GLUED on the Father and reevaluate who we have in our God spot so that we can love people more effectively.

living in the Sunday!

2011-04-30T10:24:00.000-07:00

I was reflecting on the whole Easter thing and how it effected my life. I thought about how I allow myself to live in the "poor me" rhelm so often. I compare myself to other people and they have a pretty tough life so then I chastise myself for even thinking that my life sucks. It's true I have a choice, this isn't new to any of us, but I can live in the hopelessness of the Friday. When our savior, the one we have given up everything to follow is dead and it seems that all our excitement and fervor are in vain. We can choose to live in that moment OR we can live in the Sunday when the ladies arrived at the tomb and saw the big beautiful angelic beings saying, "Why do you search for the living among the dead." We have no idea, like them, what the future holds but we know Christ is not dead, then as now. We know that something big is going to happen and really all we need to do is be faithful to what we know is true. Choosing to live in the hope of Sunday.

I was also listening to a sermon on the subject of God's favor towards us. We can't escape it you know? God loves us no matter what. I do believe that we can remove ourselves from his favor though. Like an umbrella, we can walk out from under it but that again is our choice. I have a huge umbrella meant for golfers I think. I bought the umbrella one day when I was going to take my nieces to a park with the dog and knew that the thing was big enough for us three girls. Samara, however, wanted to run with Oliver and so she did. No problem but then when we got in the car she was cold, shivering, wet, and miserable. She had fun for a while playing with the dog but then the consequences of that action outlasted the fun. I think it is similar to when I make the call to an old boyfriend because I want to go out or when I am sitting here eating white cheddar cheeto puffs. The wet, soggy, consequences are miserable compared to the fun it was. I have decided that not only do I want to stay in the safe, warm, favor of God but I also want to make the choice to live in the Sunday. It is not faking the fact that all is good it is just choosing to have a good attitude despite the circumstances.

What do you think? Live in the Friday or the Sunday?
Do you want Favor or the Feeling?

I'm gonna go with Sunday Favor.

I'll have to remind myself that daily for awhile but I hope that it makes pathways in my brain so it eventually comes natural.

Blessings to you,
Kari

after Valentines Day.

2011-02-15T19:27:00.000-08:00

No roses, though I heard from lots of married people that they didn't want roses anyway. Is it true or do they feel like they don't have enough money. I don't know. In fact, many people said they didn't do anything at all. I was shocked!! I said when I do get a Valentine we will be busy, in more ways than one. I'm also still in fantasy land about how my future husband is going to love me so much that I will get these really meaningful gifts on Valentines day. I guess I have not hit the wall of reality yet.

I heard on the radio, AM 900, a guy say that sometimes you have to let go of something that is wrong in your life in order to take hold of your promise land.

I also heard something like: The focus principle What you focus on is where you are invested. Like if you are married, you can't fall out of love, but fall out of thought. If you think about each other and are being intentional about serving your mate then you will always be in love. On the negative side if you think about something like sex or porn and are doing all you can to deny yourself it is a loosing battle if it is constantly on your mind. You have to choose to think about other things to "take every thought captive."

Another thing that stuck in my head was that sin pulls your vision down. It destroys your dreams, visions, relationships, and life. The process of temptation and sin as demonstrated first in Genesis and then through out the bible is that we see something we want, we think about it, then we take it. That could be any number of things from a fruit or sex. Notice the thinking-about-it stage.

James says that all sin comes from the depravity inside your heart. When it is allowed to come full circle it leads to death. But all along the way we can change or be redeemed.

So as a single person, having just lived through another valentines day successfully, I gotta say that the way I translate these things is to make sure I am focusing on heavenly things. If there is a relationship in your life that you have been holding onto it is an act of great courage, faith, and trust to give it to God. One guy on the radio said he was afraid that if he did lay his desire for marriage at the cross that is where it would stay. I thought it was brave of him to say that. I think many of us feel the same way. But God loves us and wants good things for us. We have to trust him and let go of things that are detrimental to our development. God can not fill the area of a mate unless that area is empty. Empty of desire or empty of some other self medicating substance.

After all we were put on earth to give glory to God. If he wants to do that through us as single people we should probably let him. On the other hand if we are avoiding responsibility or maturity, I think I'm talking to mostly guys here, we need to man up so-to-speak and not let Satan control our lives in that way. I know lots of men who for some reason or another are perfectly happy in their mothers basement. That is not the type of warriors God made. CALLING ALL MEN: THERE ARE PLENTY OF WOMEN WAITING FOR YOU. You were meant to find a godly woman, be fruitful and multiply. That means make disciples and it also means sex. God meant it, sex, to be a wonderful glue. This is why we need to be careful to protect ourselves before marriage. One soul can only be glued to one other soul in order to maintain health. If we get into a relationship and have sex then we are applying glue. When we break up we rip that person off. How many of those relationships can a person go through and still expect to be healthy enough to become a spouse, parent, or even future leader in the church?? We need to understand the ramifications of our temptations. It is not about cultural norms, it never has been. And don't think that people who are "religious" only say to avoid sex before marriage because they want to take away the fun. It's not true. There are actual studies that show how your brain is messed up by premarital sex, scientifically, and also studies that show sex inside of marriage is much more satisfying than extra-marital sex.

It matters, and it effects more than you can imagine. Your communication habits, your thought patterns, your relationship with your future kids, your relationship with your future wife, your sexual satisfaction when you finally do get married, etc. etc.

Please be careful as you SEE things and even more careful as you THINK about things and when you reach out to TAKE something . . . PLEASE make sure you are thinking about how it will effect your future valentine.

of a really tired girl.

2011-01-30T19:09:00.000-08:00

I wish life were easier. How much easier it can get for a single American with a full time job, her own place, and a little cute dawg, I don't know but still. Actually I think what I meant was I wish life would go the way I want it to.

My desire for adventure or something new sometimes makes me nervous. What if after I'm married I get the "overseas bug?" I'm sure it will happen but like right now I have to make the adult decisions and do what is responsible rather than what I want and perceive to be the fun thing. My Momma always said, "life isn't always about being fun . . ." I'm amazed how many times lately I have heard someone say something like "that's not fun" inferring that they will not do something because it's not fun. We wonder why our lives are not feeling fulfilled and yet we only do what seems like it will be fun to our own simple little minds. In fact, I was thinking today how we so loath being in situations where we are uncomfortable. We avoid things that are challenging. Yet isn't that how we grow, how we prove to ourselves that we are capable of the hard things. That when push comes to shove we will stand firm and have a strong character and shove back? Shove back, this week to me means having enough inner strength and trust in God to humble myself, keep my mouth shut and not get fired. Shove back, when my flesh wants something so bad and I need to use the sheer power of thought to talk myself off the ledge, of chocolate that is. I'm fasting with the Awaken 21 crew. Or even the phone call I want to make. I was watching Lord of the Rings and I was struck again how there are so many similarities that can be drawn between that movie and life. When Frodo is the most scared he puts the ring on but then he is visible to the evil eye of Saudon. It feels like that bit of sin in my life that when I engage it then that is when the powers of Satan know I am at my weakest. It is then that I need to lean on my friends, or read scripture, or listen to music, or pray. In the worst moment when the demon from the old world comes and rears it's head like the fellowship of the ring we can look to Jesus, or in their case, Gandolf, for the answer and I'm pretty sure Jesus will have a similar response, "RUN!!!"

Calling on the name of the Lord is not like the magic 8 ball. We still need to make the choice not to stand and be effected by the evil even if it is the sinful desires inside of us. James was really sparing no ones feelings when he said, ". . . each of you is tempted when you are dragged away by your own evil desire and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death."

During the Awake worship time the leader stressed the fact that we need to be watching what we allow to enter our mind through our eyes, ears, and even our thoughts. We have got to stop listening to music that promotes sex, cheating, drinking, and all the other "fun" things of the world. We have got to stop promoting T.V. shows that perpetrate sinful life styles that are killing not only the moral standard we are trying to uphold but also the people that are choosing them. We need to be more accountable for the words that come out our mouths. That is the complaining, back biting, swearing, etc. This is such a challenge to me since it seems like every TV show has trash in it. Every conversation at work is rehearsing how many days are left until we can get out of there. The truth is people don't want to hear your positive chipper self, bouncing down the hall. But when the time comes they will miss you. I guarantee it.

Let's set a higher standard for ourselves. Let's try to "set ourselves apart" like the bible instructs. Let's spread the aroma of Christ this week where ever we go. After all we really don't have that much to complain about at least I don't being a single American with a full time job, her own place, and a little cute dawg ;)

just takin it easy

2010-12-27T07:48:00.000-08:00

I think blogging is a blast. Clearly I do it all the time, eye roll. The truth is I have a lot of thoughts but I am just not sure people want to read them all the time so I keep lots of them to myself and only try to share what I feel God is revealing to me. Today I'm borrowing a subject from Peter Haas.

First off I would like to address the subject of my pastors message yesterday, Parenting. I was raised in a house where the facts shared in the message were a no-brainer but it was sure interesting to me that he used a secular study to prove what my parents have been saying all along. That the number one predictor of raising healthy stable kids is spiritual nurturing. Teaching your kids about faith. The second is how the parents handle their own stress. Interesting, how the adults handle stress and even what steps they take to avoid stress all together; i.e. making sure you are on a budget, will greatly impact the children in the house. The third, again, does not even involve the children, is how you treat your spouse. Can you believe that?? If they are in a home with a rocky marriage and the adults are at odds there is no amount of money that can change that. No gift or toy will be able to undo what has happened due to the fact that our pride is too big or that we are so selfish. The quality of your marriage effects the kids. You can't throw around the option of divorce and say that the kids will be fine, they won't according to this study.

He said that we seem to have this mentality that we ensure a good marriage in the "shopping stage" meaning we think if we find the right person to marry in the first place that the work is done. We found the right pair of shoes now go run. But it doesn't work like that. We need to be vigilant in our relationship and put lots of time into each other. His advice for couples: every 7 days go on a date, every 7 weeks go away on a weekend together, and every 7 months go on a vacation or mini-vacation together. The kids need to learn how to self sooth or cope when Mom and Dad are not around anyway so this is a good opportunity and healthy for both the children and the parents.

OH, he also said that if a couple spontaneously kiss 8 times a day they will be more healthy, physically. Cool huh?

I can't wait to try all this good stuff out on my husband, whenever God gives him to me that is.

He also did a message last week about the meaning of the word "head" as in the head of the household. Here in America the church gets it wrong often and men tend to think it means that when it comes down to it they are the boss. This is true HOWEVER, the actual meaning is the first to act. I.e. the first to go to battle, the first to sacrifice, the first to repent, the first to call together. You get the idea. The meaning seems more true to the phrase we use: the head of the river. Not the controller but the source of family. Anyway, if you want to hear more and definitely a more eloquent listen go to: http://substancechurch.com/podcast/i/1b40c

I had more to say but it seems so unimportant next to parenting issues. Please utilize the resources available. Your marriage is so precious to God and so SO important to many people. Us single people are watching and trying to learn the good and the could-have-been-handled- betters. Peter said there are more than 40,000 books on parenting on Amazon. It seems like a ocean not easily navigated but these short messages may help in key areas so I hope you have a few minutes to listen.

Happy kissing ;)
Kari

of a comfort hopeful.

2010-12-23T07:47:00.000-08:00

Last night we had our "Christmas Eve Service." We don't have our own building at Substance so we use Maranatha Hall at Northwestern in St. Paul and it's always reserved for the actual Christmas Eve. The service was amazing. My mothers comment was that she thought it should have been longer and it did feel really short. But the point of it was to entice and befriend people who are "Christmas only" church goers into hearing the news about the saving grace of Jesus Christ.

Anyway, the reason I am here today is because something hit me, there is always something this time of year, and I'd like to share it with you.

When I lived in Indonesia I had a friend that got pregnant. From the time she found out until the time I left she was all about pampering herself. All of a sudden she could not go out after work, 3 in the afternoon, she had to go home for a nap and no more movies that was just way too late for her because she was so tired. I figured out that maybe one reason the women there act this way is because it is the only time their husbands will "serve" them. It is also a time when the mother-in-laws tend to smile more often than they frown. Also, it could be that the infant fatality rate there is higher due to the limited availability of health care. I'm just guessing here but you never know.

On the other hand there is America. Women work up until their last ability to stand. I have seen waitresses that look like they are past due still schlepping dishes to and from tables. BUT then when the time comes there is an army of medical personnel that are there to wipe things and hold things and when really embarrassing things happen like more than the baby comes out there are plenty of people to assure you that it is normal and there is nothing to be ashamed of. The pile of cloths and gloves and instruments that are used and available in case needed are amazing here. When it comes to a wanted baby the earth seems to stop on their behalf. It's a baby after all.

Now for any of you that have been or known someone that has been pregnant think of that last month. You know how a pregnant lady stands up from a comfy couch. One arm at a time trying to lob her weight into the air while holding her back and supporting with her other hand. Then proceeding to waddle to the bathroom 20 times a day. We've all seen it, and laughed but now imagine that same woman not getting out of a couch but off a donkey's back. Think of how in her last month for weeks traveling, which is bad enough in a car with heat and music, high atop a rocking animal who no doubt had a protruding spine that was meant to be her perch for hours on end. How long do you think all the potty breaks made that trip? Do you think she even stopped every time she needed to go. I imagine she felt dirty and gross all the time. She knew she was carrying the son of the God of the universe but do you think that mattered when she really had to go? Maybe God provided a really chubby donkey so her trip wasn't so excruciating.

I think of the night when my family opens gifts, Christmas Eve. How right about the time we are wrapping it up having eaten our fill, enjoyed each others expression of love through gifts, probably sang a little, maybe even shared what Christmas means to us, that is about the time when Mary would have looked at Joseph and screamed "It's time!!!" They had nowhere to go. She lay there in hay, have you tried that before?? My skin starts to itch and turn red. It's not pretty. Did that happen to her? Remember she was around 14yrs old. Another whole thing to think of. Did she have her precious ipod to help her keep her mind off the pain? No, she had the wonderful aroma of cow dooky. It seems to me that all five of her senses were being offended at the time of Christs birth. Think about that . . . what was she hearing . . . seeing . . . feeling . . . smelling . . . and tasting? So much for the glorious moment with bright white beautiful angels and the ever present song, "aaaahhhhhhhhhhh." No ice chips for her maybe not even a clean glass of water.

Then the clean up, I'm not sure I can go on but you get the picture. My point is this: we focus on all that Christ gave up to come to earth to save us and he did indeed give up a lot. But there were other people involved too. They did a ton more than I think I am even capable of. Would I be willing to live completely outside my comfort zone to facilitate His will? Most of the time when I am uncomfortable I think, "there has to be another way to accomplish this . . ." Whether it's fasting, or volunteering, or you name it. Most of the time I'm not even sure what God is trying to do in my life but somehow I limit the whole 'living sacrifice' idea to a max of about 3 hours. I'm usually making my calendar according to things that i want to do. Things I have to get done. Things that I enjoy. I'm pretty sure we think, "well life was so easy back then. They didn't have all the stress and ungodliness we do these days. It's not like she had anything else to do besides having babies" Oh come on!!! The back of a donkey! I wouldn't wish to live during that time for anything. One of their struggles was physical hardship, I think ours is spiritual and emotional. We have to build our character in a much different manner. It's easy to be sneaky now-a-days and watch whatever we want on TV, go out with different groups of friends, listen to music that promotes everything Christ died to save us from, be one person at work and another at church because those people just don't understand.

The question remains: IF God chose me and sent an angel asking me to disrupt my life and do whatever it took to make sure His will could be done, would I do it? No matter the physical, emotional, or spiritual challenge? No matter what my co-workers would say or family, or friends even Christian friends? Would there be room in my calendar? Will it take a 7 foot angel to scare the crap out of me first? Why would he even think to pick me? But wait, hasn't he already picked me? And isn't he asking me that everyday?

of a learner.

2010-11-14T15:57:00.000-08:00

I am always taken aback by the new things I learn about the Bible. There is ALWAYS something new. Today in church we went over the prodigal son. I was convicted about being a bit of both the brothers. Wanting to see what is out there like the younger son and also being bitter for doing what is right my whole life just to have nothing to show for it like the older brother.

I have so much more to say but I always sit down way too late at night and here I am again. I am on Christmas break for the next 2 weeks maybe I'll have the self discipline to actually write a whole blog . . . well pray for me. :)

a blessed daughter.

2010-11-02T19:30:00.000-07:00

So here is the story. I was at my parent’s house when a friend dropped of a full new set of knives for them including a sharpener. My mom pulled out the old knives and we made sure they were good and sharp before I selected the few that were to be handed down. I left that night thinking how I was going to carry four knives a purse, my duffel from the club, control the dog on a leash, and have a hand to work the key chain once I get home? So with a strike of brilliance I threw the knives in my purse jumped in the car tossing the purse on the front seat. After all things and creatures were secured inside the vehicle I was on my way. I went through Anoka were the main road has an unreasonably low speed limit not meant for anyone to follow so I didn’t. As I watched a cop put out onto the main drag behind me I knew I was in for it. Not that I didn’t deserve it but that I finally got caught. Once he put his lights on I pulled off onto a side road, I hate that when people stop on the busy street impeding all the rest of traffic, right next to a Walgreens.

He walked over to the window that I had already rolled down and I was leaning over to get my insurance when he asked, “Do you know why I pulled you over?” Can someone tell me why they ask such asinine questions?? What the heck does it matter what I think anyway? Clearly I think the speed limit is too low but he’s not asking me that!!! Anyway, with the idiotic questioning out of the way he asked that I produce my license and insurance. No problem, I handed him the insurance and then thrust my hand into my purse to grab my wallet but was instead met with the knives. As soon as contact was made my hand sprung back out and I grabbed it and squeezed hoping to stop the bleeding I knew was there. I had to explain the situation to the officer who responded, “Maybe you should put them on the floor.” I said that was good counsel and I was sure my finger wasn’t so bad but when I held my hand up to see how bad the cut really was the blood was dripping down my hand. It looked REALLY bad. I continued in a gimpy fashion to get a hold of my wallet and hand him my I.D. He said he would be right back and started walking toward his squad. I stuck my head out and said, “While you are back there can you grab a band aid please.” I mean if a cop didn’t have one in his car who would, right?

He came back after such a length of time that I was sure he had not only written a ticket but taken the time to edit it a few times. He said that the smallest band aid he had was twice the size of his own hand but, and get this, he was not going to give me a ticket so I should take the money and go into Walgreens and buy one.

Isn’t that funny?? He must have felt really bad for me. When all was said and done and I got a chance to actually look at the big slice in my finger, it was tiny and I mean TINY. It was probably smaller than the paper cut I got earlier this week.

When people say that God works in mysterious ways that is no joke. I was doing 42 in a 30. To my credit I thought I was going 40 in a 35 still the ticket would have been between $180-$220. Praise God for saving me from myself, again.

of a weak willed servant.

2010-10-17T17:37:00.000-07:00

I am glad that my God is so merciful.

At the same time I am just a bit bewildered by how opposite my desires are to what I know God's will is. Or are they??

How is it that a girl that is all about God's will is trying to make her own happen no matter what? Clearly there is a pretty big trust issue here.

Has God really let me down so much that I have reason to "make things happen?"

And how is it so hard to do what is right?

God is so good. We heard today at Substance Church that we as "Christians" can choose to be the multitude or the disciple. The difference being that we either count to Jesus or we are the ones Jesus counts on.

If we are Christians that are trying to live our own lives without really anymore of Gods input than a Sunday morning church service then we are probably part of the multitude. BUT, and this is a big but, if we are people that are willing to surrender everything and allow God's will to be our own then we become the discipled. Yes I did said EVERYTHING.

That is very hard to swallow. Especially here in America where we want to be able to do, watch, listen to anything we want without even a second thought as to how we are or are not effecting the world.

I have Christian friends that are participating in Yoga classes, others that love Glee, still others that are sleeping with boyfriends on Saturday night and going to church with them on Sunday.

I have no idea what to say about these things. I know how hard it is to abstain from, well anything!

Did you know that self-denial is a spiritual discipline? Have you ever heard of such a thing??
You will grow stronger and more mature and deeper in your relationship with God if you learn how to tell yourself "NO", interesting huh?

Maybe that is why it is important to move out of your mothers house at an appropriate age, and be responsible for your own bills understanding the world does not revolve around you. Or live overseas where you need to learn new things and be sensitive to another culture, learn a new language, figure out the transportation system etc. Or live with roommates so you are constantly needing to consider another person when you do things, buy things, eat things, etc.

How have you taken steps to practice self-denial? Sometimes it needs to be quite intentional, I will try to come up with something and then I will post it, you can help keep me accountable if you want . . . or not. : )

Post your ideas too so we can encourage each other:

of a single girl

2010-09-16T18:28:00.000-07:00

So I suppose I should start calling myself a woman since I will be turning 35 in less than 5 months. Depressing really . . .

I have been reading the "for teens by teens" book called 'Do Hard Things' by Alex and Brett Harris. It is really good for all of us I think. It challenges adolescence and explains how in the past there has only been two stages of life; childhood and adulthood. They explain how we really need to be taking on more responsibility earlier in life so that we can have a good foundation once we hit adulthood.

I think they are right on.

I interpret in two government classes at the high school where I work and it is amazing to me how it seems that the students in our public school districts, or at least mine, are being taught that the people with lots of money are bad and that the poor people are only that way because of potiticians that are fat, rich, white, men that hate women, all republicans of course. They are being taught that the liberal perspective is that people deserve as much freedom as we can snatch from the power hungry conservatives. Freedoms such as a woman's' right to choose, freedom to love whom ever you want, freedom from religious oppression, prayer in school is religious oppression in case you didn't know, freedom from poverty. That it is the governments job, according to Locke, to protect your right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. This means "making sure you can be wealthy or have the opportunity to become wealthy." REALLY??? It seems to me that the government is trying to take the money away from the people who have earned it and is trying to give it to those who have not. They are not making sure that the students understand that money is not free. I wonder if their parents are helping since they are all from pretty wealthy families. Liberal families that support Obama. I don't get it. If they want to give money away why don't they want to choose where it goes.

I have to admit that I'm not sure we would make the hard decisions to actually give more money away if we weren't forced. In one of the political surveys we took there was a question about getting rid of welfare and only having private charities. What would you do?? I think most Americans, like we do now, turn our eyes so we don't have to see the need. I know I do that. There just seems to be so much of it and I hate to say it but I think that the welfare system causes some of it. Everything boils down to selfishness. I've been saying that for years because the older I get the more I experience that even in my own life.

It is a bit scary to me that the children are being taught that having no moral standard means "freedom." There is so much more to it than that. We discussed which is more important personal freedom or public protection. Well, I think the liberal would say public protection but all the "freedoms" they fight for are destroying this nation on a family level and in that way destroying people. How many broken people can one nation produce????

In the preparation for one of the classes I was reading about the fact that our republic is loosely based on the ancient Roman republic. It lasted 500 years. We are 200 years into ours and I confidently can say that I am pretty sure we will not last the 500. Not the way we are spending, encouraging complete moral anarchy, and killing the next generations. What will the next three generations say about us and learn about this time when it becomes history? It's something that I think about all the time. And since I'm getting old I might as well say it, what is this world coming to??

Getting back to the doing hard things. I wonder what outside my comfort zone thing God is calling me to? Not politics because those people piss me off. I'm pretty sure that will never change. Why is doing hard things such a slap in some peoples face? Why am I denying their rights if I expect a higher moral standard for their lives moreover one that will make them more happy, allow them to live life to the fullest, and give them the confidence to enjoy the liberty that they have? I wonder how many single moms on welfare feel like they live in a nation where they have the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. They have food stamps, yes. They have section 8 housing, yes. They get free education, yes. But are they happy? Are they proud of what they have accomplished in life? Do they feel free?

Whatever, these are just a fraction of my thoughts today. They may change tomorrow.

I am a bit overwhelmed with life. The weather is getting cold here and I have to fight depression, not real, every year at this time. I hate cold. WHY DO I LIVE HERE!?! Well, three reasons: Samara, Caleigh, and Ellianna.

later - Kari

Switching things up

2010-09-04T12:26:00.000-07:00

I have been dreading the beginning of school (work) for about a month now. If you do the math that is about half of my summer. Doesn't make much sense but it's true none-the-less true. The reason was because I was going to have to figure out the new pecking order since the top interpreter dog retired and I offered to take some of her jobs. I work with a woman that likes to control things and people and I have this horrible rebellion to being controlled. Micro-managers are not my friends. I did not know if she would "allow" me to take over some of the responsibility of the other interpreter or not. Any how, when the year started, last week, I was prepared for a fight and refreshingly there has not been one. We all have had to work together to make even the beginning of the year successful since so many cuts were made. Not unreasonable cuts but still budget cuts. So far we are all still friends, 5 days and counting.

On the other hand, at home the little man (Oliver) has totally toned down since the last post. We made it over the 1 1/2 yr mark and even though he still needs a bunch of exercise he has not chewed anything up in awhile. He has graduated to the kitchen for his daily confinement and sometimes he gets out but just sleeps on the couch. I think he owns this place now. Other dogs that come to visit are under his authority, clearly, and if they try to even sniff his bones he lays the smack down. It's cute

I was biking the other day and the wind was so strong that I was sure if I stopped pedaling for awhile the wind would not only stop me but send the bike rolling in the opposite direction. On some roads the wind was not bad but then others it was a force to be reckoned with. The next day I decided to walk. Again, the wind was really strong on some streets and not on others. I got to thinking that is how life is. I had been discussing with a friend her job and she works in a christian school and all I could think was, "Wow, you have no idea how easy that environment must be compared to a public high school." It's true, working in a public high school and being a Christian is like walking/biking directly into the wind. I didn't like the dirt being blown into my face but at the same time it makes me a stronger person. The more I endure the forces of evil the stronger I get to once again show up to work the next day. I know there are challenges in any situation after all we are all human and there will always be conflict and God is sufficient to be with us through it.
The first week I already have had a teacher make fun of people that think they hear from God, calling them schizophrenic. A teacher asked his class if they supported welfare (good, liberal) or if they liked war and killing women and children (bad, conservative). I wonder, would your child who you taught to be responsible and love God have the guts to stand up to a teacher like that?? Or the fact that in the first week I talked to 3 girls about appropriate clothing and almost got MY butt chewed for it when none of the actual administrators even cared that we could see the underwear or bras. What is wrong with parents these days?? Who lets their daughters out the house looking like a whore???? Then blame the school for making her feel bad about her appearance. I am blown away by how strong parents will fight to make sure their kids have the lease amount of self-respect, self-worth, or conviction when they graduate from high school!

All I'm sayin' is that it would be nice to just take a walk on a nice sunny day with NO WIND. Just once in a while. Get it?? Then tell your daughter to pull her skirt down and your son to pull his pants up, Please.

Thanks and God bless :)

2010-01-25T19:22:00.001-08:00

Here is my boy with his new hair cut. I am not sure he likes it but I fell in love again. I am not ok with all the hair and look how cute that face is!

a dog owner . . . still

2010-01-09T08:28:00.001-08:00

I am trying really hard today to like my dog today. I feel like I am out on walks with him at least three times a day. Today is Saturday and I am fighting to have some quiet time because the dog is walking around wining! Yesterday I left him out of his kennel while I had a meeting. It went a bit long but I had taken him to the dog park for 40 min before I left. Still when I got home he had cleared the coffee table eaten the fortune cookie I had left there from earlier in the week and then when he got all the papers off the table he proceeded to tear them all to little pieces. It looks like it snowed in my place. I don't mind him tearing up the paper because it seems if it weren't the paper it might be furniture.

I am working hard trying to figure out the spiritual lesson to be learned in a very active dog and a owner that just wants to veg. I will leave it for you to come up with, just please post it so I can benefit from the lesson too. Thanks

of a dog owner.

2010-01-01T20:01:00.000-08:00

For Christmas my brother bought my dog, really me, a lazer pointer thingy. Let me explain for those of you that are thinking, "what kind of idiot buys a dog a Christmas gift?" It is on the end of a pen at least this one is a pen and you hold down a button and it shoots a red lazer beam. The dog sees only the red dot on the floor or wall or ceiling if you are my nieces. The dog is immediately transformed into a psychotic being with one goal to eat that light. It does not matter that it travels well out of reach up the wall or if it is on a person. The dog is going to get it. Now the funny thing is that it is really like the animal loses his mind because if you are shining the lazer from one end of the room to the other and continue that multiple times he will just keep running in the same pattern even if you turn the light off. He will then retrace his steps and go to every place the light was to see if it is there. If you shine the light into a closet or seemingly under a blanket or rug he will stay there and dig or search for it until he is satisfied it is no longer there or if he spots the reappearing light somewhere else. Not only that but I brought the lazer pointer outside so he could really run and run he did. I did that two nights in a row and today when we went out there he looked at me like,"Ok, where is the red dot?" He knows it is from that pen and when I pick it up he gets all excited. His tail starts moving his whole hind quarters from side to side as he anticipates what is going to happen. It really tires him out. I am truly indebted to my brother.

It makes me a bit sad actually. I think of how much I appreciate that little pointer and how when the dog is excited it makes me happy. I know that God loves us and wants us to be excited about the good things he does for us. Could this be what the Bible means when it says, "Seek first the kingdom of God . . ." The work SEEK means : to try to acquire or gain : aim at or a : to go in search of : look for b : to try to discover.

I wish that when I sit down to seek Gods face I would have that much motivation. To go back, when I feel I am not finding, to the places I know I have seen God in the past. Or to continue on a road I know God set forth and be content on it even without seeing him until he reveals himself again. Instead, I am constantly asking God what my next step should be or what I should be about. God's will is not possibly just to live is it??? Women are so funny that way. We always need to be accomplishing something. I say women because I don't know many men that are usually trying new things or learning new things in order to feel like they are accomplishing something. We, or maybe just me, I feel like I am always trying to do more with my life. Along the idea of never stop learning but it is more than that. I tend to get bored with life and need excitement. It does concern me sometimes because there is bound to be a day when the need for excitement will lead to something more than I can handle or hide. This is why I wish I would learn to go for God the way my dog goes for that red dot. I want to be so excited about what he is doing that I just want to eat it. I don't want to slam my head into the wall like he does but you get the idea. I just want a hunger that is never satisfied.

Like the Kari Jobe sing called 'The more I seek you' says: "the more I seek you the more I find you, the more I find you the more I love you. I want to sit at your feet drink from the cup in your hand lay back against you and breath, feel your heart beat." That is what I want to feel God's heart beat. And never go back yet I am so human so weak. I am amazed that I can have my eye on the prize and still walk in a direction that is off the mark. God is so good to me that he has kept me alive and not allowed a black hole to swallow me up. I think I need to read 'The Shack' again.

So did I write about school? I had been taking some college classes in order to become a real adult with a real degree from a real college so I have a real profession but I am just so not in that place. I am sick of the pressure to perform academically and pay to be taught things I totally do not agree with. I also suck at meeting the financial aide deadlines and filling out all the paperwork for the government. I think that chapter is over for me. At least at a proper school. I may pursue more experience at North Heights Church or some other type of training but to write papers for the next four years of my life . . .no thanks. This is not my final answer but it is how I am feeling right now. I have not prayed through it yet and I do need to do that first.

Oliver is 9 months old now. He is doing really good. I have got to figure out his language but once that happens more naturally things will be super smooth. He does well being calm during the day if he gets a good long walk in the morning. When he is totally flipping out and in my face it means he needs to go outside and I am not used to that quite yet. He does fine if I do not drop everything to let him pee. I get it eventually like usually within about 15 min. Then back in the house and he plays a bit then sleeps. He is a good boy getting used to the grooming and ear cleaning. I guess I do not have to kill him like I said so many times the first few months. And my nieces LOVE him so there is no way I could ever get rid of him now. I mean when Elliana can even sign dog and says, "OOOOO" when she sees Oliver there is no question. :) Love that kid!!!

Hope you could follow my 'webbing'. I am a girl. Or should I say a woman now that I am 34, YIKES. Scary . . .

of a wonderer

2009-12-24T12:34:00.000-08:00

I am sitting here watching the perfect snow fall. My dog is asleep, finally, by my side. I am watching a cute Hallmark movie and thinking about Christmas.

I know that this is not the scientific date that Jesus was born but that does not matter to me. The idea that God, when considering how to change the world would send his son is so baffling to me.

Maybe more confusing to me is why God would want to save us. With each passing year I and each new person I meet I am in awe of the fact that people despise God. Even after everything he has done for us. God sent the gift of his son into a world that he knew would never appreciate him moreover even hate him. We resent everything he stands for and requires of us. We hate the "limitations" that he puts on us even though we can see, if we open our eyes, that without them the world is totally lost. We come up with so many "logical" ways that this religion started or spread that we totally ignore the fact that God is real and does love us even when we TOTALLY do not deserve it. Many people even claim to love God and "believe" in him and then turn around and live everyday in complete selfishness. No matter how people have represented God or Christianity or religion in the past, I wish that people would see just how pure this holiday reflects what God is and what he is willing to give to us. EVERYTHING.

I am not a parent yet but I can only imagine that putting your son in an environment where you know he will be scorned, hunted, disliked, spit on, for sure he wouldn't fit in, and even killed must be one of the hardest things a parent could do. But God loved us so much that Jesus was willing to come in the form of a baby totally dependent on humans, scary, and know that his whole purpose was to die for people who think only of themselves when he thought only of others.

Do we choose to make the world a better place or do we continue only after what makes US happy. Is there more to life than us striving everyday and dieing with loads of money and no one to share it with?

Truly as you think of the people that are wonderful individuals we think of people that give of themselves not the ones that make money and hide away in their hole.

Be the person to make a change in your world.

of a procrastinator.

2009-12-12T17:03:00.000-08:00

So I had this great idea that today, Saturday, I would go out and get all my Christmas shopping done. Well guess what . . . the rest of the world thought the same thing. The parking lots everywhere were so full. People in the true spirit of Christmas were so rude. Like taking my spot five car spaces in front of their previous destination was going to save them so much time. Anyway, I did get most of my remaining gifts done and that is great. I also got myself some goodies. I am sure that is why women love to shop because they always find a little something for themselves too.

I am sitting here watching the Hallmark Channel. I am such a dork!! I love it. It is totally reminding me of Indonesia.

I have been trying to teach my dog to roll over. Tonight he DID!!! How exciting. He is a pretty smart little guy. I got him in the beginning of September. I was so ready for a dog but he was way more than I bargained for. He is a Cocker Spaniel and he was 5 months back then. His name is Oliver and he is every color brown, white, and even a little black. Super curly hair and long ears. He is pretty good but has loads of energy. I take him for a walk in the morning but now that the temperature is so low it is hard to get up the motivation to do what I need to. Oliver seems to love the snow but does the snow dance when he gets it in his paws. It's pretty cute. I wonder if I should get him boots. I am really not that kind of person, you know that has a whole wardrobe for the animal but he does have a winter jacket and one for in the morning with reflective strips on it. The boots might be a bit much.

I was invited by Caleigh to go to her "Cwismas pwogwam." So stinkin cute! So I went to the school Christmas program last night. They were great. Evidently they were pretty excited because Samara knew she had to clean her room but wanted to wear her dress so she asked her mom if she could clean in her dress. Ha I love Christmas time.

My psalms

2009-08-01T19:35:00.000-07:00

Early June

My soul basks in the glory of the earth. My spirit rests as your creation reminds me of my insignificance.
My brain is filled with wonder and curiosity at the intricacies of your workmanship.

I see you in the splash of the surfacing fish and in the nest filled with the new arrivals of spring.
Even in the smell of the city lake and sound of construction I'm reminded that you are sovereign over all.
The breeze renews my desire to see your face and know your will.
It's your purpose I seek.
The animals are content to hunt for fish, sit on eggs, float, and soar.
Father, if it were so easy I would join them yesterday.

For me, oh God, your plan is great and filled with adventure and passion.
Open my eyes that I might see the way set before me.
Don't let me wander in life like a blind man in a new room.
Father, set my foot to your work.
Guide me to see the schemes of Satan trying to lure me away from the blueprint.
Set my chin with determination on your face.
Let me NEVER forget the depth of your love for me.

Early August

God you are my desire.

You know me better than I know myself.

You know why I make the choices I do even though I myself don't

even understand why I am tempted.

Reveal to me where I need to grow, change, reorder, or die.

Illuminate in my heart places that hide a growing root or spreading mold.

Show me where I might have a wound I've let cripple me into something beyond your design.

I want to be free of me, free of ideas and desires that would cause me to

justify things that can ruin me and my witness.

Lord, I want to be a woman that trusts and obeys with full abandon.

That loves with open heart and arms knowing you protect those who are

the apple of your eye.

Allow me to be strong enough to open myself to your correction and discipline.

You love me and any pain I may suffer is your way of loving me into another person.

Mold me into a woman of grace and gentleness that can be your face,

arms and hands to the suffering.

You love me - I know that full well!

2008-11-01T15:58:00.001-07:00

The election is around the corner and I feel like God has given me a message of Hope to share with you all. I was reading 2 Cor 1:8-10 paraphrased reads: We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt we had received the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us again. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us.
I hear, in that, Paul thought he was going to die and he was confident that God’s purpose was to deepen his and their dependence on Him. That is what God wants from us too. My question is: If God decides to allow Obama to win the presidency then there has to be a reason and are we ready for it? We know that God is able to do anything that chooses. One good example that I feel is very appropriate is 1 Kings 18:16-39. Those people were wishy washy and God had to do something very clear to show them he was The God. Of course, in this passage it is something amazing that no one could ever question. What about an example like in Daniel 1:1-2, you see here God allowed Judah to be taken by Babylon. But it was still his perfect plan. And it does not matter how powerful it seems a man is look at Daniel 5:18-21. God allowed Nebuchadnezzar to be elevated to the highest place in the land but as soon as his heart was hardened by arrogance and pride he was rolling in mud and eating grass with the donkeys.
It seems that people are trying to convince us, as Christians, that our morals and standards have no place in American politics. We need to stick to our churches where we belong. It is not true however; look at http://www.wallbuilders.com/ , the church has been an iatrical part to the whole history of this great nation. I believe with all the Christians that are voting for Obama we have not fulfilled the scripture 2 Chronicles 7:14. If God is going to allow us to go through a Obama term are we ready to be in obedience to him through that. I think that if McCain and Palin win the presidency many Christians will sit back and breathe a collective sigh of relief and not be spurred to action or wake up to the reality that no matter whom our president is we have TONS of work to do here in this country. 50 Million babies have been slaughtered so far. ‘Family’ has so many different definitions that kids don’t even know if they can ask each other if their mom and dad are still married.
Don’t get me wrong I believe the best team for this upcoming term is McCain/Palin; there is far too much at stake. However, I believe that no matter who God chooses to run this country we need to be ready to fight (Prov. 21:31). We need to be intimately acquainted with our sword and have it at the ready every moment. We need to have and know how to use every piece of armor we have (Eph 6:10-20). Positions everybody! And by all means GO WITH GOD!

Getting close to your friend.

2008-08-08T12:19:00.000-07:00

It has been a many amount of months since I have contributed to the blog world. I must admit that when I am going through a rough time it is hard to be motivated to put my trash out there and let people learn from it. I am hoping that after so many situations like this I will learn what causes the trash and avoid it before it consumes months of my life. Anyway, God is so good and every time I sit down and consider the greatness of God I am amazed again that he loves me so intimately and even that he would allow Jesus to die for someone as unworthy as me.

I went to a conference and the speaker was talking about how as a parent you knew before you had kids that they would hurt you. You knew and chose to have them anyway. That is what God did with us as well. He knew we would be fickle hearted and we would turn from him time and time again. I consider the turning from him as small as nurturing a prideful attitude. It does not have to be having an affair on a spouse. You see sin is the same; there is only one word for it. We cannot categorize un-forgiveness as any less detrimental than a lie. In fact the physical ramifications of both will be enough to look into a more inclusive health plan.

The speaker was asking us if we felt we were growing spiritually. The audience of coarse all good Christians shouted, “Yes.” “How can you tell?” was the next question and the crowd was silent. He explained that we tend to measure by two things that produce depression and deception.

ONE: Absence of sin.
I have stopped sinning in an area. I have given up an addiction or some such sin. This doesn’t work because as humans we will probably replace it with another addiction or with the sin of pride and be haughty to the people who are still in that sin.

TWO: Consistency of Religious activity
I am involved in more religious activities. This doesn’t work because you can read your bible for an hour a day or be in church every night and never hear from God or get to know him anymore. Use the Pharisees as an example. They knew the scripture inside and out and spent much time at the temple but they did not know God. They had not heard from or had a personal relationship with God. They didn’t even recognize his son when he came to visit in the flesh.

The two ways that you can tell you are growing spiritually is this:

ONE: You have an increased awareness of how far from God you actually are.

TWO: You have an increased awareness of how much God loves you.

This was so significant to me. We do not have to strive to get to the next meeting. We do not have to DO anything. Well, have a relationship with the God of the universe.

Our value to God is NOT based on our performance!!

You see we can do NOTHING to get God to love us anymore.
AND
We can do NOTHING to get God to love us any less.

We totally have the ability to make God sad. Just like our parents. We can make them mad. But with God His love is constant more than the rising of the sun.

One last thing that the speaker said that I thought was great to put into words is that a true friendship is based on joy not benefits. You are friends with a person because of how you feel when you are with them not because of what they add to your life or what they can do for you.
This seems like a no brainer but I have stayed in a relationship that made me feel like crap for about the last two months because I was worried about how he would feel and it opened me up to a lot of discouragement, totally not worth it.

We need to make sure that we are living our destiny. What is it that is God’s absolute best for us and choose that. Why do we spend so much time on things that we think will make us happy?? God has been around for a little more time, he would know. And for those of us in our thirties and forties we have been around long enough to know that our way is not workin. We don’t choose the joy route. We choose the happy route, which is only as good as the circumstances around us (what happens) and we cannot control those. So the outcome is always temporal. We listen to all the shouting voices of our society and miss the voice with the most power to change our lives.

What message from the voices is having the most effect on your heart today? Are you feeling pressure to own a house? Or you should have a better paying job? Are you believing that you shouldn’t feel guilty over the porn because everyone does it? Is it that you should be married? Should you have kids by now? Is your car a piece of crap? How about that you should be out having fun with the opposite sex till 2 a.m. every weekend? You ARE single, right??

LIVIN LA VIDA LOCA!!

Is that true happiness? Where does my mark on eternity come into the equation? How do I point people to Jesus, He is the answer to every question of value, security, relationships, jobs, finances, etc? I encourage you today to take time to spend with your friend, as a friend, Jesus. Silent time, to allow him to speak truth to you about your worth and the things that are truly important in your life. His plan is so much better than ours; I think we all agree on that one.

Later,
Kari

What is God doing?

2008-01-21T18:17:00.000-08:00

Well it turns out He is doing TONS and loads of people have figured that out already. I am excited to be learning about a myriad of new things happening in my city that I had no idea about. I will be getting involved soon. Starting with a prayer time at an outreach center in the inner city.

You see I have been sitting around waiting for God to direct me to what He wanted me to do when all the while maybe He was waiting for me to get my big butt off the couch. I am not saying that everything I get involved in will be a perfect fit because we are all so different but it is a start to see where He is already at work. I do not have to re-invent the wheel. I can join the already rolling work. So here is my question to you . . . What is God doing with you or around you?? How are you seeing God work in your section of the world? Please share to encourage those reading. I will update as soon as I find out what it’s all about. I am excited about a little anniversary event at The City Life Center to reflect on the 35th year of Roe vs. Wade. We will be prayer walking the neighborhood and just praising God for life. Join if it is on your heart to just tell God how grateful you are that you are alive and that your siblings were not subject to convenience. Praise God, He is at work! Our God is ALIVE and still active.

Making God, LORD

2008-01-10T15:50:00.000-08:00

So I have had some crazy cool things happen to me over the last few months. I have tried to write to you guys but it has been hard since God has been doing some deep cleansing in my life. He is so gentle and kind in the middle of all the cutting away. It is amazing how he can be so thorough and so amiable at the same time.
I want to be as candid as possible since I know that many of you have been through the same thing but also I feel like it is important to make sure I do not give Satan a foothold so bear with me as I try to tell you all Christ has done.
My last dating relationship was three years ago and although I have maintained a standard of sexuality high above what is currently the cultural norm but my standard has not been biblical. In that relationship I chose to go beyond Gods guidelines for sex. I knew it was wrong before it happened and still I allowed the sin to take place. I dealt with the relationship and ended it after four months. In dealing with the relationship I got bitter. I tried to forgive the guy, since it was all his fault. Well, it was easier for me to deal with when I told myself that, after all he was supposed to be the “head” of the relationship. He moved on, getting married about 8 months after all this happened. I, on the other hand, decided to deal with it on my own and try to do all the forgiving and ignoring on my own. God had a different plan. You see his will for us is to become one flesh with only one person in our lifetimes. Even though I did not know it at the time this was part of the barrier in the relationship I had with my Dad as well.
The subject came up recently of my last relationship and I answered confidently and accurately, vaguely alluding to the facts. The fellow converser asked me what my parents said. And with all self righteousness I told them that they didn’t know. I had kept it all to myself. As soon as I said it I knew that I had to submit to my spiritual authority and let them know, additionally I needed to repent before them for all the pain I had caused my family. Some background: the guy with whom I had this relationship was close with my family and was still involved with family things. By not telling the family what had happened it looked like I was an immature, jealous, hateful person that just wanted to make times together miserable. Which I did quite effectively. So we were all involved in some way or another.
Well, had a talk with my parents who were so great and gracious to me. I was TOTALLY amazed at the difference the confession had on me. I could literally feel the freedom of the situation. I have never before known a forgiveness that takes weight off my body but this did. You see Satan comes to steel, kill, and destroy. He had stolen the joy of my relationships with family and some friends. He had killed my internal gage as to what was an appropriate way to deal with it all. And he had destroyed parts of who I am and my ability to have a right relationship with God the father. I left that day knowing that I was completely forgiven, everything was totally severed that could effect my life concerning that act. There was nothing anyone could bring against me, there was nothing hidden that Satan could use to destroy my witness. It is amazing to me to reflect on that situation and see how when God gives us a standard it is all about us and His overwhelming love for us that requires Him to set the standard so high. And it also seems obvious to me why Satan would wage war against every person Christian or not in this way. It renders a person helpless even if they do not know it. It effects women in such a way that the emotional, soft, beautiful, confident, loving, and graceful person that we are supposed to be is rendered helpless. Making us hard, self-defending, sharp tongued, self-sufficient, emotionally scared women in need of control. After all if we do not protect ourselves who will?? I thought my life was fine. I was fully convinced that I was forgiven and free from this guy and all the crap that came along with the choices I had made. What I did not realize is that I had taken Gods job; to be the guardian of my heart. I had given the job to a man; my father but then taken the thing he was to guard; my heart and gave it to yet another man; the guy. All the people failed because I had set each of them up to fail in a profound way. I, after all, am not God. Only God can be the true guardian of my heart. He will not put a protection around my heart until I offer it up to Him. Once I do that then my father is free to do what he is supposed to and whatever guy has to approach the throne of God to ask for my heart. If God allows him to have it then I would imagine this is a man smart enough to know that he now in “possession” of the heart of a princess, HAS to hand it right back to the King and guardian for safe keeping.
Honestly, I can’t wait to meet that guy. He is going to be something, yet still flawed, just like me. I feel like I have come a long way in the past two months but I know there is still a ways to go. Praise God he only gives us what we can handle. For me it is small spoonfuls at a time. Only through his grace are things changing. Daily I can see the result of living a life without anything to hide. You see, I think I now have a small understanding of what it means to not only have Jesus as my savior but also God as my LORD. There is a big difference. One is fire insurance the other is a way of life.
By the way, my Dad and I have had some really great conversations and I have gotten through them all without shedding a single tear. That would not have happened three months ago. Truly when the son has set you free, you are free INDEED.

Christmas Reflections

2007-12-10T21:34:00.000-08:00

Here I sit taking a personal day since the weekends from now until Christmas are packed full, I want to get some house work done and finish up some projects like moving into my place. Ha I have only been here for what, three months now. Well, the snow fell and it’s white outside and cold inside. As some of you know I tend to find this time of the year a very reflective time. I don’t know if it is because of the cold so I stay home more or if it is because my birthday is January 2nd, yes I did just slip that in, and I am another year older or if it is because of the season of Christmas that we have entered into. Honestly, I think it’s the double whammy of thinking about all Christ did for us and how much more I would have liked to accomplish through the last year for Him.

I have come into a new friendship with some folks that do not like to celebrate Christmas since it is not the “real” birth date of Jesus. It makes me think of the significance of the specific day. Is the miracle of Jesus birth in the day it happened or in all the stuff God did so that earth could be changed forever by the baby that was God of us all?

My point today is that the time doesn’t seem as important as the reason. Why do we celebrate Christmas?? What would your answer be? In my family this has become more of a conversation now that the four of us kids are grown, well at least three of us are, sorry Luke. Two of us will be parents by next May and one is just wanting to know what traditions are valuable in pointing us toward Christ and which are time wasters.

Since moving out on my own I have not really included a tree in my Christmas festivities in my own home but at Mom and Dad’s we have always had it to put presents under. There is scripture that talks about a tree; Jeremiah 10:1-? Read it if you are interested. It is good and may challenge your perspective.

I don’t really know how to celebrate this season or this event other than just thinking about what it meant that the God of the universe the creator of all became Emanuel. Not just God up there looking at us waiting to zap us but God WITH us. What does that mean to you?? To me it means that I do not have to be condemned to the point of being crippled by guilt. I can be victorious in this life with power to combat the enemy of the human race. I do not have to live as one that is an orphan. I belong to such a God that loves me so much that he removed Himself from the comfort of his home with his father and everything that defined him. He gave ALL, not some, all of that up so that he could be our redeemer. How did we receive him? Worse than many today. We gave him a barn. We have taken that incredible sacrifice and made it not much more than a fat old man who works one day a year. We argue over the semantics of the event and say, “well I celebrate it everyday.” Is that really what is expected from us? I totally think that we need to be ‘Christmas Christians’ everyday. We need to give more, smile more, ring a bell in recognition of the poor, volunteer at shelters, give to kids in need, maybe not carol to old people all year but consider their needs of companionship or whatever else you do because it is Christmas. We do!, but we also need to take some good old alone time to sit with God and thank him for his gift to us. I believe that is where the whole gift giving thing came from. I know some people say because the Magi gave to Jesus but I also think that we, though we don’t necessarily recognize it, want to give back and the way we do it is to give to one another. Of coarse, like everything else in this world that can get distorted too. I challenge you to talk to your family this year and have some discussions about why you do things the way you do and see if there are any modifications you need or want to make together. I believe that we as Christians need to make sure we are not just going along with the worlds example of what Christmas should look like but really know what and why we celebrate beyond the flippant, “Jesus is the reason for the season” true as it may be.

Why me?????

2007-11-25T14:11:00.000-08:00

Desperate times call for desperate measures” It is a statement that we have all heard but for me it is taking new meaning.

I have recently returned to America, as some of you know, and I have been searching for a church body to belong to. I have been unsuccessful in my search. I do not know why but I am with increased frequency thinking it is because God has a plan that he wants me to be a part of and through the searching he is revealing himself and his purpose for me. I do not feel anymore close to the “answer” though I know He is doing something. Today I went to a very small church that is in north Minneapolis. The people are genuine and work seems to be authentic. Yet there were less than 15 people in the congregation. Numbers are NOT the important issue here. I am just wondering why people insist on presenting a “service” when there are very few not-yet Christians that are attracted to that. I also have seen the “church” try to present a more appealing product by having services that are labeled ‘seeker services’ or ‘seeker friendly.’ How thick the walls on our box must be that prohibit the expansion beyond it’s boarders.
Anyway, back to me. I just daily am wondering what the heck I was placed on this earth for right now. Do not mistake; God knows exactly who you are and what personality, talents, etc He gave you and knew right where, in time you needed to be in order to 1. Further the kingdom of God. 2. Give him glory and 3. Fulfill his purpose for you.

So here I am feeling a bit like a floundering fish on the shore, wanting to have clear direction. I do not feel like I am getting that but what is it that God needs from me in order to use me?? We all know the answer to that; clean hands and a pure heart. We need to be willing to be used. In Psalm 135:15- it says, “ the idols of the nations are silver and gold, made by human hands. The have mouths, but cannot speak, eyes, but cannot see. They have ears, but cannot hear, nor is there breath in their mouths. Those who make them will be like them, and so will all who trust in them.” So if we decide to make God our god we will be like Him and if we decide to make other things our god then we will become like that thing. Awesome and scary at the same time isn’t it? So this is how I apply this to my life. In my desperation I am driving around asking God to reveal even a bit of the plan for me. Weather that be buying a house downtown and effecting a neighborhood with international occupants or buying a storefront in order to establish a place where Christ can be glorified that is frequented by not-yet believers. Whatever it might be I just need Him to give me a vision, of something!! He is saying: Be still and know that I am God. If God is in me, I allow him to work through me and I am the aroma of him. Then daily how can I do anything but be a messenger for him. People will see, they will notice, they will be impacted by the God of the universe everyday. Is that big enough for me or am I unsatisfied with that? I need to learn to be content in all things. Even if it is a day that seems to be without direction. I need to be faithful to my God who is my sufficiency. Praise God please do that in me . . .

Boys

2007-11-23T21:20:00.000-08:00

So here is a different take on the whole issue of boys. God has graciously given me an object on whom to cast my affections, for the time being. I thought that a 31 year old would be too old for infatuation but alas I was wrong, Way wrong. Infatuation makes you feel things that are probably not true, think things that are probably not true, hope for things that are a bit inappropriate, etc.

My thing is that I can not wait to talk to this guy. CAN’T WAIT. All the time I am checking my phone for a SMS or some other form of communication that maybe I missed. Also I love to listen to his voice, to my credit it is low and great, preferably at the beginning of the day and at the end and maybe in the middle too. Yeah I know, I got it bad.

It got me thinking about my first love, Jesus. Who gave everything He had because of His love for me. He wants communion with me, and wants to talk and hang out. He wants to experience real life with me and be with me every moment of every day. He loves me so much that He is always ready to listen when I want to talk, about anything. Do I feel the same toward Him???? If I do, I do not show it very well. Do I wake up with Him on my mind? Do I go to bed thinking about a way to spend time with him in the next few days? Do I constantly check back to see what He thinks or if He has an opinion on the things that are important to me? Do I make sure there is some form of communication everyday with him? I am sad to say that I don’t. I wish I did. I hate that I am so dependent on things that are tangible. Things that I can “see, touch, taste or feel.” The Bible says in two Corinthians 4:18; “There is far more here than meets the eye. The things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow. But the things we can’t see now will last forever.” The Message. I mean really, by now I should know not to trust my senses. What is up with me and how do I change the way I am? Well God made me this way and he knows the struggles that I have. He will make a way where there seems to be no way, right? This is how I see it. If I make sure I talk to HIM before I talk to him. And continually bring the relationship before God for approval and still get all gitty when he calls, God knows and that is how he meant it to be. He gave us the great ‘just met’ feelings, and that’s what makes it fun. He knows what this is all about and how long it will last and all the rest of the stuff I do not have figured out yet. He bestows on us grace that is so far beyond what we, well what I deserve!

One last thing; The guy is a vegan and all the boys in my family are out hunting this weekend . . . Any thoughts?????

2007-11-14T10:29:00.000-08:00

Proverbs 24:11-12, The Message

Rescue the perishing;
don't hesitate to step in and help.
If you say, "Hey, that's none of my business,"
will that get you off the hook?
Someone is watching you closely, you know-
Someone not impressed with weak excuses.

2007-11-13T19:14:00.000-08:00

My Momma said, "Stand up for what you believe in!" We have also more than likely heard the statement, "stand for something or you will fall for anything." I hear a resounding AMEN! Yet my question is this; Do we make a bigger impact 'standing' against smoking by telling a smoker, "You know smoking causes cancer" or by standing out in the cold with her and investing time into her life. Even though I'm sure she will be eternally grateful for the life giving secret you shared with her about cancer she might be more receptive to who you are and what you are about by valuing her enough to spend 4 freezing minutes, in Minnesota, with her while she develops those cancer spores. Our witness, something I find many Christians don't think about often can take many forms.

From the friend who repeatedly tells her gay brother that God hates homosexuality to the guy who voluntarily lives below poverty level in order to relate to the homeless, there are a myriad of ways God can work. I just encourage you to make sure it is Gods work you are about not conforming people to a lifestyle that is comfortable to you.

Kids change things . . .

2007-11-07T17:49:00.001-08:00

Friends with kids, are they really our friends anymore??

What is the definition of a friend? My opinion is that it is someone who cares about you, looks out for your best interests, invests time in your life, checks in every now and then. Really, when someone has a kid, they have so much to do. Not only are they usually loosing a lot of sleep but they are still maintaining their marital relationship that can take a pretty big hit when a kid comes along. Many things, and I think that single friends understand that but growing old as a single person is a lonely business. I found that the 4 through the 8th year out of college were my marriage years. I had around 8 weddings a summer and a few scattered in between. Now 3 to 4 years after that are the reproductive years. I do not have nearly the number of baby showers but more baby showers than weddings. Oh, and the weddings I am invited to are for people an average of 10 years younger than me. Yeah, PLEASE let me celebrate your union. It is hard for me to have a good attitude about that since probably one out of every 4 weddings I went to back in the marriage years has dissolved. Another reason I’m sure I have not jumped into anything. Not that there has been anything to jump into.

Where are all the single people? I have noticed on my faith community search that my generation is not in church. I have said all along that I do not want to pick a church dependent on the amount of people my age that are there. I am not just out to find a man. However, after some thought I figure that is perfectly legal. Am I searching bars, or dating agencies, No so how else am I to get out there. I need a good exposure plan. So that was it. I need to find a church with a huge, I HATE this term, singles group. I found no such thing. In fact, not only did I not find a singles group but also I found no singles in the pews either. I got on a dating site on the internet and found out that that one site had over 500,000 members, on a Christian site. Where are all these people???

My other question is this, Do you really want to tell your grand kids that you met grandpa on the internet??? How weird is that???

I just praise God that his ways are higher than my ways and even though I have no idea what is up with me and why he has me in this very specific place. I am okay with that because I know that his plan is perfect. I can’t wait to see what he has in store for me. I may need to do more calling to my now parental friends or even give some of them up but God knows my needs and theirs. He will provide what I need when I need it. I find that most times the answer lies right in his word. We are so hesitant to read it and find out what the author of our life has to say about his work of art. Why is that? Why do we think that we are in control? How long does it take for me to realize I am botching the deal? Why do I fall into the same traps over and over? God is so good to me. It’s so easy to love Him. He is everything that everyone is looking for. Is God who you say he is? As a Christian do you believe what comes out of your own mouth about Him?? God is more than capable to take care of your life if you would let him. I say He is sufficient for me, yet I ask Him all the time ‘why?’ I once heard a speaker emphasize this thought, “Don’t hold God captive by a question mark.” Wow, I was shell-shocked. How many times do I do that? So many, I have committed my life back to God to do with as he sees fit. To be my matchmaker and my financial planner, my life designer and my scoffer. He has given me so much and I complain and give him grief about way too much! It is time to live this life in victory and show the world that there is not a huge void in my life because it does not consist of what I thought is should at this stage. God knows, is there any more to be said??

Selfish Singles

2007-11-07T17:34:00.000-08:00

This blogging thing turns me on. Now that the world needs my thoughts but it is fun to share.

Here is my new thing: Single people today are so different then it seems they were in past generations. I feel this pressure to be on top of all the celebrity news, know about all the current episodes of all the trash on TV. I watched a new sitcom tonight and in it a girl has had amnesia. The whole episode was about the fact that she could not remember what it was like to have sex. She was “a virgin”. All the people in her life then set out to make her a “real woman” again. One friends said, “so much of who you are is sex and until you know that you are a child! You are an adult not a child. Just think if while you are having sex all your memories come back to you.” I realize they were totally over doing it but the message still remains. You are not a real, living-out-loud, woman until you have had sex. I, by no means, am expected to “waste” free time doing anything that would help or serve someone else. I think that especially the older women get that it’s supposed to be all about us. We need to be sassy single women proud to be who we are and not hindered by anything. I feel like a better way to say this is that we are supposed to be women who sleep around (have fun), are man eaters who don’t need men for anything other than a good time between the sheets. We need to be dressed in the latest style and command attention as we walk down the street or into a room. After all we are single women, world take note!

Why do we insist on being so selfish and act like our lives are the most important? Why do we gag when people ask us to baby-sit? Why do we cringe at wedding showers or why does our blood run cold at the thought of a baby shower?

Could it be that it reminds us of what we do not have? Or are we as Christian women totally buying into what the world tells us we should be? I wonder if we see the time as useless since it is time spent with a group of women instead of the opportunity of there being single guys there. Personally, I can be pretty sure there will be some comment about me. Either my singleness or my size that will cause my life situation to be painfully obvious and remind me of what I do not have once again. How to handle the situation when someone asks when you are due???? I say, “I’m not pregnant just fat.” they get all embarrassed, it is just not a good thing. So it is like running interference the whole time. I went to visit a friend in the hospital who had had a baby the night before. I went with my skinny sister and her tiny friend. To her credit the girl that had just given birth was smaller than me. She was wearing a tank top with the snap down bra section for breast-feeding and sweat pants with her post delivery belly hanging out. I had on jeans and a t-shirt and was sitting on the bed with the three little girls who were playing there so the moms could talk. The doctor walked in and asked me how the delivery went the night before. I said, “That would be her.” And pointed to the new mother. It was just yucky and that happens to me. I wonder if it happens to normal people. I fully realize that I am not normal, that goes without saying. However, I just wonder why people have to ask when I am due or things like that. Really?! Is it necessary information?

Here is part of the thing. People in today’s culture have been conditioned to be on the ready when they hear things that might be an insult. We need to grow a thicker skin. After all isn’t it God who gives us our identity? Isn’t it him who created us perfectly and plans our steps? It is he who ordained everyday of our lives before one came to be. In light of that, I prey thee, give these old ladies some grace. I know that these older women were not raised in an age where there were single 30 something’s around all the time. The truth is that they are just trying to be nice and start conversation. I think that one of the widest generation gaps in the boomers to the Xers. Things are So different. However, we are all Christians. We need to live by grace. That means many different things but one application for me it to not internalize the “hate”. I need to deal with grace the comments of folks who just haven’t mastered the filter between the brain and the tongue. I struggle with that myself all to often. Who am I to just decide that those people are not worth my time? So often I have to remind myself that the Bible teaches to be a living sacrifice. So on my drive to yet another baby shower I tell myself that. I need to love people and teach them how to love me and other single people. Can’t we just all get along??
One last thing, to all you married people, please understand that no matter how old we get there will always be more criteria than singleness that our future mate needs to satisfy. Oh, and one more thing . . . we don’t know why we are not married, so don’t ask! Even if we knew we wouldn’t tell you.

Life

2007-10-17T17:16:00.000-07:00

I am always amazed at what I will do knowing full well the consequences. I will let my gas tank get so low that every time I turn the car on I feel like it is an answer to prayer. I will leave the house without a jacket knowing later I will be cold. I will stay up late reading a good book knowing 5:45 a.m. is going to feel more like 3 a.m. Yet I do it anyway. I suppose on the same vein it should not surprise me when people around me do things, relational things, that they already know will hurt them later.
Almost more intriguing is the process we use to justify the action that results in pain. If I wait the cost of gas will go down. Oh, it will get warmer as the sun comes up, I can sleep tomorrow afternoon. He is really good to me, he will change, but he is so responsible, he has a good job, or he is a REALLY nice guy. All great things but what is saving 5 cents per gallon of gas going to do when I am stranded on the highway? Or how is that sweatshirt going to help when the sun raised the temp to a whamping 42 degrees? It is always safer to go with what you know. There are facts and examples to learn from. Why do we avoid protection? Why do we repel against what we know to be right at true?

Gods ways are perfect and in place to make our life better. It will not be perfect or trouble free but this is what His word tells us: Better a dry crust with peace and quiet than a house full of feasting, with strife. Proverbs 17:1

2007-10-16T14:46:00.001-07:00

I am hoping to manipulate the system of commission earners at Lifetime fitness for a $0 re-enrollment fee. It has taken me about three weeks to even get my health insurance numbers so I am greatful at least that I have the choice of a health club.

I am meeting up with an old friend tonight. I am really excited because she has had a lot happen in her life lately. I always like to catch up with people but then find it somewhat difficult to continue meeting since there is so much happening in life. It's like current relationships are either long time friends who you can talk to once every three months and no time has passed or there are the people that you work with or are in groups with that you have to see every week at a programed time and place.

Before I left Indonesia when thinking about life back in America I wanted to make sure that my schedule did not fill up every night. My plan was to have one night where I participated in something that was for me. Then one night could be dedicated to something I did for other people. However, I am thinking about a freelance job that would be two nights a week and every weekend. It is for a basketball season. Then I am thinking about being the faculty adviser to our school's Deaf Club and that is Wednesdays. So it would be a full week, every week, if I decided to do these things. However, I think this basketball gig could be a good way to get a new computer. We'll see if it all works out. Truth is I need to follow up on some of that stuff. I also have thought about a group called Toastmasters. I found out about it a few weeks ago and then went to my first meeting last week. It seems like a great tool to learn how to be an affective public speaker. I know I can talk in front of people but if I think I will be doing more of that I should really hone those skills so that I can speak for longer periods of time. That club is every other Tuesday. Wow, when will I fit in time to go work out even if I can maneuver the $0 re-enrollment fee.

One other thing that I have been thinking about is "single groups." Usually found in churches or other religious establishments and usually full of nerds. How is that? Where are all the normal single people? I mean the ones that are not divorced, do not have kids, are socially acceptable, have a good job, and a decent car. People that are motivated and are Christians. Are there such people in the world? Anyone know that answer to this question?? Please let me know if you have found such a tribe.

Of Kari.

2007-10-11T12:17:00.001-07:00

As for you all. I know as you read this you will think to yourselves, "who the heck is this person?" However, you will soon discover that I am an outgoing non-speller who likes to share quarky ideas and thoughts that may or most often do not follow the status quo. I am glad that you have decided to join me on the journey some call life others call it hell on earth. Most often for me it feels like a trip to cazy's house and back but whatever it ends up being on any given day I am still praising God that I have breath in my lungs and blood in my veins. Welcome to my blog and feel free to spread it around a bit.